jarrod massie

Honesty Update

jarrod — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 02:06:12 +0000

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Just a very quick update.

Yesterday, I missed out on what would have been a very welcome and convenient piece of contract work, because I refused to look someone in the eye and lie. It would have been so damned easy, too.

It’s difficult to feel good about this, especially when there are bills and mortgages to pay.

More later.

Dominos Pizza for dinner. Have I given up on life?

jarrod — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 09:10:22 +0000

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The worst thing about Dominos Pizza for dinner: everything. But especially the shame.

Dear god. Is that supposed to be a meat? What manner of beast was it cut from? I suspect something with six legs.

New rule. NEW FUCKING RULE: Anything that undergoes a process of being pulped, dyed, extruded, and then set in a plastic wrapper… hereby forfeits its right to be called a meat. End of fucking story.

All’s fair in sainthood and child abuse

jarrod — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 08:09:38 +0000

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From correspondents in Melbourne, Australia

There were jubilant scenes in parts of Melbourne yesterday, as the world’s largest paedophile ring – the Catholic Church – finally canonised one of Fitzroy’s favourite daughters, Saint Mary MacKillop.

Tram services were disrupted throughout the northern suburbs, news of which prompted the Pope himself to ask “what the fuck is a tram?”.

Catholic spokesperson Dorothy Wowser said she hoped the canonisation – expected by many disappointed school children to involve MacKillop’s remains and an actual cannon – would revitalise public opinion of the Church amongst Australian god-fanciers.

Certainly for local Roman Catholic woman, Alotta Fellatio, all is now forgiven. “Sure, those priests did things to our children. You know, I’m talking about things with their butts.” she said. “But that’s all water under the bridge now that we have our own Aussie saint. Woo!”.

Fitzroy priest, Father Paddy McDoodle, offered this take:

“It really comes down, in some part, to semantics” He told this reporter. “Also, the media is largely to blame. I mean, what you call ‘rape’, could just as easily be referred to as ‘surpise sex’. You [in the media] just choose to turn it into something more sinister”.

He further offered “Anal sex is so commonplace these days anyway, and with the continued sexualisation of our youth – again, by you in the media – I simply don’t see what the problem is”.

But not everyone necessarily agrees with Father Paddy. At least a handful of senior Catholic officials have failed to come out in support of raping young boys in the anus, fondling their testes and forcefully giving them oral sex. “I think it [the systemic sexual abuse of children and continued cover-ups by the Catholic church] has probably had its time”, said one key official who refused to be named.

So there you have it. This is clearly still a contentious issue. With so many priests and others in the Catholic hierachy so obviously FOR child anal rape, some non-church members of the public AGAINST it, and several more church officials undecided – where do you stand on the topic? Should it be allowed to continue? Should we simply sweep it under the carpet and move on, now that we – as Australians – have our very own saint?

We would love to receive your comments.

Reciprocity – More Honesty Experiment

jarrod — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 10:16:35 +0000

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Something just struck me. Ouch! Knock that off!

If this little experiment (or new life direction, as it may be) is going to amount to anything more than a personal pat on the back and smug sense of self satisfaction… it’s probably important that people actually believe me. After all, why go to all the bother of telling the truth all the time, if people don’t notice the difference? Other than that warm smug feeling, I mean.

And then I thought – that’s quite a lot to ask. I’m basically saying to people “believe every word I say, because I promise not to lie”.

But then at the same time I’m effectively saying “I know you’re not playing along, so I’ll pick and choose which bits of your story to believe”.

Reciprocity.

Is that the word I’m looking for? I think so. I have made another decision:

I’m going to believe people. Or at least, I’m really really going to try. It’s only fair, right? I want them to believe me. Reciprocity.

So there. This experiment now risks taking me to strange new depths of gullibility. I’m now determined to believe anyone and everyone, where possible. Of course, some people will always be appallingly bad liars, spouting such unbelievable nonsense as a raving lunatic wouldn’t believe a word they said… but I’m talking about the more subtly-crafted stuff. From now on, whenever I’m in doubt one way or the other, I will strive to err on the side of believing.

This could be interesting.

Bye for now.

A Word About Laziness

jarrod — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 11:55:21 +0000

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Websters Dictionary defines ‘laziness’ as:

Resorting to using the Websters Dictionary definition of a word or theme as the opening line of your post about that word or theme, because you’re too tired or crap to think of an original opening.

I think there’s something to that, and we should all pause for a moment to consider it. Then pause again for another, longer moment, to eat chocolate and watch some television. Now you’re tired, and have earned a nap. Go on, reward yourself. You deserve it.

You’re back. Okay great. I hope you’re well rested.

The main reason for this post is to acknowledge (without apologising for) the overall laziness, slackness, patheticness, limpness, flacidity and downright irregularity of my posts on this blog that carries my name. I have been busy. I have also been lazy.

I would like to tell you that this will change, but as some of you know, I’m not doing lies anymore. I mean really – how lazy am I with this blog? So fucking lazy, right? Am I right?

I’m so lazy with this blog, that I have padded out a whole ‘nother entry just crapping on about how lazy I have been with this blog, rather than take the time to write about something useful.

The Honesty Experiment

jarrod — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 11:07:21 +0000

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So… I have been trying something for the past couple of months. Early results have been mixed, but overall I’m pleased with the progress.

It’s called honesty.

I know most (or at least many) of us try to live good, honest lives. For the greater part, I think we succeed. But even good, honest folk find themselves lying at different times and to varying degrees – the ‘little white lie’, the polite fib, the lie of convenience, lying by omission, dressing up the truth – they’re all lighter shades of the same thing.

Until recently, that was pretty much my life. I tried to do good overall. Sometimes I even succeeded, although I have never been what you would call a goody-two-shoes. Either way, I would still break out the odd whopper here and there. As for the smaller, fuzzier, gentler lies – of the varieties listed above – well… I dread to think how many of those passed my lips in a standard day, but I’m sure the number lies (sorry lays?) somewhere between a few and a lot.

Then one day, I said ‘enough’. Game over. No more lying. Brutal honesty with all-comers from this day forth.

We’ll call that day Draft 1. Without going into too much detail, let’s just say that not everyone loves having strangers shout brutally honest remarks at them from across a crowded bar. One day that will get its own blog entry, but for now, on with this story:

Some rapid re-working was needed.

This is the current shape of things, following the drafting process. This is what I am currently living by:

- Strictly no lies of any sort; black, white or in between. I’m just not allowed to lie. Not ever.
- No fancifully revisionist restatements of personal history.
- Must still keep others’ secrets at all costs.
- Don’t have to blurt out every thought that crosses my mind.
- Can decline to answer a question if necessary, however:
- Should strive to be more ‘open’ with people overall.
- Sarcasm is not lying. In fact it’s an awesome way of revealing the truth.

I’m pretty happy with that. I even suspect I might be able to live with it.

That’s about all I have for now. I’ll post back if/when there are any interesting developments. Please feel free to comment.

PS: Those of you who know me personally, please be aware that I’m going through this process mostly for me, and to improve how I interact with and relate to others. I don’t plan to become a zealot, a martyr, a missionary, a prophet or a preacherman: I’m not encouraging you to join me; just inviting you to witness the ride. Oh, and a heads up – if you don’t want to know the truth, don’t ask. Maybe those pants really do make your bum look big.

PPS – Yes, following some research I am aware of various different ‘honesty’ movements, large and small, in various places around the world. Some of them are trying to change humanity. Others seem more personal. All interesting stuff.

Sleeping on the balcony

jarrod — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:58:05 +0000

Last night I slept on the balcony. Actually, it’s probably more accurately described as a deck, or ‘decking area’.

Whatever you choose to call it, I slept on it… or attempted to.

It seemed like a sensible way of calming our dogs (they’re outside dogs) and stopping them from barking all night. After two bottles of Riesling, I’m all about sensible.

Conditions
My sleeping area consisted of two thin foam camping mats, an Ikea pillow that we care little enough about for me to use outside, and my trusty winter sleeping bag. I positioned myself at the opening of our dogs’ kennel – close to them, and far away from where they eat and do the other thing that you’re not supposed to do in the area that you eat in.

Reviewing the Elements:

Innovation
Low. Some additional points awarded for use of one’s own uncomfortable sleeping arrangements as a means of placating domestic animals.

Cost
Nil additional financial investment, after the initial cost of the wine, which I feel I would have purchased anyway. A very economical solution.

Efficacy
As a dog-calming strategy, this was highly effective. As a sleeping strategy, it was poor at best.

Level of Comfort
A raw score of 1.5, under non-alcoholic circumstances. Overall score is a Riesling-assisted 5. Comfort could have been improved dramatically through greater investment in pillow technology, or by not sleeping outside at all.

Spirituality and Mythology
Not much relevant to say here, however I am pleased to report that I did not wake up with fleas.

Historical Perspective
Humans have been sleeping uncomfortably for years. Also, drinking wine has been been portrayed in paintings and literature as far back as a long time ago, with anecdotal reports of such happenings occuring in even earlier times.

In Closing
I can certainly recommend sleeping outside if you want your noisy dogs to remain calm, and you don’t care whether you actually sleep.

Dwarf

jarrod — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 01:13:10 +0000